What If Game Night Was the Answer All Along?
When did making friends become harder than learning the rules to Twilight Imperium? If you’ve ever moved to a new city and realized your closest adult relationship is with your barista, you’re definitely not alone.
Here’s the thing nobody warns you about adulthood: making friends gets really hard after college. Like, genuinely difficult in ways that would make your teenage self laugh. But it’s not just you – it’s actually a widespread thing that researchers are calling the “friendship recession.”
Back in 1990, about a third of Americans said they had ten or more close friends. By 2021? Only 13% could say the same. Even worse – the number of people who say they have no close friends has quadrupled. Nearly half of us now report having three or fewer close friends, and many blame major life changes like moving or starting families for why their friendships faded.
Why This Actually Matters (Beyond Just Feeling Bummed)
Loneliness isn’t just about scrolling through Instagram and feeling left out. It’s become a legitimate health crisis. More than half of Americans say they feel lonely regularly, affecting everyone from Gen Z to baby boomers.
And here’s the kicker – chronic loneliness doesn’t just make you feel crappy. It actually messes with your physical health too. We’re talking higher risks of depression, anxiety, heart disease, and even shorter lifespans. Your immune system gets weaker, inflammation increases, and you don’t bounce back from illness as well. Basically, being lonely is about as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. (Yes, really.)
The (Surprisingly Simple) Science of Making Friends
Okay, so how do friendships actually work? Researchers have figured out some pretty interesting stuff:
You Just Need to Show Up Repeatedly: There’s this thing called the “mere exposure effect” – basically, we like people more the more we see them. You don’t need to have deep, meaningful conversations from day one. You just need to be around each other consistently. Even if you’re mostly focused on the game and only chatting about whether it’s going to rain tomorrow.
Shared Experiences Are Friendship Gold: Remember that time you all collectively groaned when someone drew the perfect card? Or when you spent twenty minutes trying to figure out a confusing rule together? Those moments stick. They become the foundation of inside jokes and genuine connection.
Games Take the Pressure Off: When everyone’s focused on whether to place their worker on the grain space or save up for a building, there’s way less pressure to be socially “perfect.” No awkward “so… what do you do for fun?” conversations. The game provides the structure.
It Takes Time (But Less Than You Think): Research suggests it takes about 50 hours of hanging out to move from acquaintance to casual friend, and 200 hours to become close friends. That sounds like a lot until you realize that’s just regular game nights over a few months.
Enter the Meeple
Quick vocab lesson: A meeple is one of those cute little wooden figures shaped like people that represent you in board games – think tiny avatars in your favorite game world.
Board games are basically the perfect excuse to spend time together. You’re not awkwardly asking someone to “hang out” (what does that even mean as an adult?). You’re asking them to play a game. There’s structure, purpose, and built-in conversation starters.
Also, let me address the elephant in the room: modern board games are nothing like the Monopoly or Risk you might remember from childhood. Today’s games are more engaging, more social, and way more fun. We’ll dive into specific beginner recommendations in our next post, but trust me – the hobby has come a long way.
Regular game nights create exactly the kind of consistent exposure that friendship research tells us we need. Games naturally generate those shared moments that become friendship building blocks. Plus, everyone’s attention is split between the game and each other, which somehow makes socializing easier, not harder.
There are natural conversation breaks during other players’ turns, and the game provides endless topics: strategy discussions, rule clarifications, or just commenting on someone’s spectacularly bad dice luck.
The Digital Bridge: When Your Gaming Buddies Live Three States Away
But what if your potential gaming friends are scattered across the country? Here’s where it gets interesting: we use video chat combined with online gaming platforms like Board Game Arena.
Playing games online while video chatting removes geographical barriers but keeps all the crucial social elements that make friendship possible. You still get:
- Facial expressions and reactions in real-time
- Genuine laughter when someone makes a hilariously bad move
- Strategic discussions and friendly trash talk
- The joy of seeing someone’s “I can’t believe you just did that” face
It’s also way easier to commit to. Instead of coordinating schedules for everyone to meet somewhere, you can just hop on for an hour after the kids are asleep. Many of my strongest gaming friendships have been built and maintained across states through weekly online sessions.
The video component is crucial here – it transforms online board gaming from a solo activity into a genuinely social experience. You’re not just moving pieces on a screen; you’re sharing an experience with real people.
A Few Things to Keep in Mind
If you’re thinking about joining a game night (especially your first one), go easy on yourself. It’s generally considered rude to start a game and then leave before it’s over, so if you think you might need to duck out early, it’s totally fine to just hang around and chat until you’re ready to commit to a full game.
First-time game nights can feel a bit overwhelming, so don’t put pressure on yourself to immediately click with everyone. Plan to try it a few times before deciding whether it’s your thing.
One heads-up for online gaming: not everyone on the internet is pleasant (shocking, I know). If you’re running a regular online game night, it’s smart to have some basic ground rules and be prepared to remove disruptive players. People are sometimes bolder about being obnoxious online than they would be in person.
Your Next Move
The beautiful thing about board game friendships is they often grow beyond the games themselves. Those weekly gaming sessions become the foundation for deeper relationships, inside jokes, and genuine care for each other’s lives.
You don’t need to dive into the deep end immediately. Start small: invite one or two people, pick one simple game, and see what happens. The hardest part isn’t learning the rules – it’s sending that first “Want to try a game?” message.
The truth is, some of the best adult friendships begin with someone brave enough to suggest learning something new together.
In our upcoming posts, we’ll get into the practical stuff: which games are perfect for beginners, how to set up successful remote gaming sessions, and what to do when things don’t go according to plan.
Got a board gaming friendship story? Made lasting connections through games? We’d love to hear about it in the comments below.